Discovering More About “Loving Our Neighbor”

“The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others.”

~ Thich Nhat Hahn

This summer we were at a camping retreat in the Rangely Lakes just north east of us, here in Maine.  Our group chose to contemplate the essence of the teaching of St. Frances.  It was a great opportunity for all of us to be with the life of someone who  lived what Thich Nhat Hahn referred to above.

Near the end of the retreat, we were sitting by the lake reading an article on compassion.  The author revealed a deeper meaning of compassion and loving our  neighbor.  He said, “… the self-denial necessary for compassionate living, for recognizing and responding to the suffering of others, isn’t necessarily a heroic self-giving, a complete divestment. For me, at least, it’s more often going to be the daily, almost hourly, dying to my own childish preferences and shallow agendas that keep me from being fully available to others and to God.  When I’m blinded by my need to have things my way, how can I, in Nhat Hahn’s words, “recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others”? (by Roger Owens in “Weavings” Journal)

We both realized that the message in this article was for us.  We have been given so much in the preparation for our trip to Africa.  This message fine tunes the way in which we relate with each other on a daily basis.  Are we willing to surrender our own preferences to then be empty and open to receive the true direction and “lead from our Heart” as St. Francis did in his mission?  We each have a strong independence and have our own sense of guidance from our Heart.  Working out things at home is one thing, but traveling in a foreign country is another.  

When we went on with the article, the author revealed a process to use in the moment, when our preferences are up and conflicting:

Breathing in, I see my attachment to ___________ (fill in the blank)

Breathing out, I let go of my attachment to ____________.

Breathing in, I see my neighbor.

Breathing out, I love my neighbor. 

We have used this process a number of times as we were making choices in the final preparations for our trip to Africa.  One such example had to do with how to keep safe as we travel in Africa.  When we applied the process a number of suggestions were revealed — Staying with the feeling “all is well” and also “having a dependable and well recommended driver.”  We realized that the Bradshaws, who now live in Mityana, Uganda, will be introducing us to a driver and translator, as well as other friends they have come to know well in Mityana — this is our “bubble of safety and reliability.”  We realized that it would be essential to rely on our “bubble” when we travel away from Mityana to Rwanda later in our trip.  

This process has also worked very well with some basic choices in our daily lives.   Each time we’ve discovered a choice that was no longer interrupted by our preferences, but a choice or direction coming from the Heart of God.  Also, we have found we are more available to each other in a more compassionate and sensitive way.

So, we are right down to the nitty gritty of preparing for this trip.  Two more weeks to go.  Thanks for being with us each step of the way.

Blessings to you, dear friend,

Elizabeth & Steve

Ubuntu

One evening, just recently, we had a couple over for dinner.  They were from Burundi, Africa.  As the evening progressed, we talked about our going to Africa and they began discussing something very important for us to hear — “Ubuntu.”  We felt to share it with you as we continue to awaken to it’s full meaning in our own lives.  This information was collected mostly from a communication by Jen Boudreau in “Words to Live By.”

A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanize them.”

Desmond Tuttu elaborates further on this ...

“One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can’t exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can’t be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.” 

So, now we know why we are going to Africa.  We have a lot to learn from these beautiful people.

When we shared this with Mom just recently she said, “Wouldn’t it be lovely if the whole world had “Ubuntu.”  Yes, Mom, it would.  

Getting Closer

Mityana is where we are going in Uganda.  It's getting closer, so we wanted to check in with you with how the preparations are going for us personally.

We are both wanting to be respectful and in the flow with the culture of Uganda. Looking online I found a good reference.  Interesting … it sounded like something that we would want to have in our regular daily lives.  Here is what they said: (Our comments in brackets)

While serving overseas, remember four important things:

• Have no presuppositions or assumptions about people, places or assignment.  (always live in the freshness of now with no past or future)
• Everyone has flaws; (see “others” as a reflection of yourself and be gentle with “our” mistakes) 
• Places are not what they always seem in pictures (have no expectations)  
• The assignment will not indicate all that you are going to do (be open to what comes and give your best). 
• Have a sense of humor (laugh at yourself and with others).
• Be flexible (changes will come, be patient).

So, what is the major factor from all of this?  Patience … having the capacity to accept what comes, just as it is.  Dictionary definition: “The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Remembering this may be helpful in our upcoming trip to Uganda.

Our trip is getting closer.  Two months from now we will be in Uganda.  This week we got all of our shots, sent away for our visas, and finished setting aside the money for this trip.

We are reading books to help us understand central African culture — a way of interacting which seems very different from North American culture.  Here, we are very task focused and value self sufficiency.  African and Latin American cultures are more based on interrelationship and prioritize connection over pragmatics.  Our goal oriented interactions, even in stores, would be considered rude.  We value time efficiency (time is money) while they are much more leisurely and conversational.

When I was 14 I got my first job — dishwasher at a summer camp.  I learned quickly that work efficiency was valued and I got good at it.  Over the years, with great arrogance, I have believed I knew the “right” way to get things done.  Crank it out.  Get the most done in the least time.  Every other way of approaching goals is inferior and needs correction.  Speed is everything.

So very much to learn.  So much to unlearn.  At a time in life where I expected to know most of what I needed to know, it feels like starting over.  As Bob Dylan says in “My Back Pages,”  — “I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.”

Please pray for us both in our new growth and understanding.

Surrendering

Our tickets are purchased!  We will be flying into Kampala, Uganda, on September 9th and staying through November 1st.

As we are beginning to map out our trip, we both are committed to surrendering and listening deeply within for what is God’s direction for us.   In this surrendering process, we each have a particular experience to share. 

Initially, we didn’t know where we were going to go in Africa - just Central Africa.  We knew we were being called and that’s all.  We thought of Burundi, Rwanda and Sudan because some of our friends, from these countries, are  members in our church.  Recent unrest in Burundi and Sudan has made travel there questionable.

A few weeks ago, we travelled to meet with Chuck and Beth Bradshaw.  They were in Cambridge, Massachusetts on leave during a three year mission posting in Mityana, Uganda.  

As we listened to them tell of  their work in Mityana, we heard stories of their experiences and of their network of people there.  We each felt a growing affirmation that this was to be our home base.  It seemed clear that God was guiding us to benefit from the network of drivers, translators etc. 

Madame Victoria runs a small school and orphanage about two kilometers from Mityana.  She accepts guests in her home and orphanage and this seems like a good place for us to stay.

We are continuing to learn what this trip is to be as we explore opportunities in Mityana as well as in Rwanda, Kenya and Burundi.

 In our preparation for the pilgrimage to Africa, I was brought back to my trips to India and the process of surrendering into an entirely different culture to honor the customs as best as I could.  I didn’t realize until now, how significant this experience was.  

On my initial visit, I would walk down the streets and view all of the poverty and filth.  It was a sensory overload.  Initially, I just shut down and didn’t even want to go out of the compound.  That didn’t work, so I began to slowly accept it all as it is.  Then, I began to realize something entirely different.  I realized the native people had a light in their eyes and a genuine happiness with so little. I began to appreciate these lovely people for who and what they are.  They became my teachers in so many ways.  I learned the power and strength in surrender.

I returned each year for four months, for almost 20 years.  It completely changed the way I lived my life.  I didn’t realize all of the many ways it had deeply affected me until I began to prepare, spiritually, for our mission to Africa.  It  is my prayer and intention that this same wisdom and strength be present with us on this mission.  

Beginning

“Who is my neighbor?” 

(Luke 10:29) 

“How am I to be a neighbor?”  

Jesus followed this question with the Good Samaritan parable.

How are we neighbors with people who seem different from us?

How are we neighbors with people half way across the world?

How do we open our  Hearts to people in devastating need?

Stories coming out of Darfur and Rwanda from twenty years ago began these questions.

As we struggle with these questions, we’ve been led to plan a trip to Uganda, Africa.  We have committed to a trip from September 8th through November 9th of this year.  Our goal is to better understand how to be neighbors.

St. Francis presents a powerful model of how to see Christ in others.  We are currently studying St. Francis and will spend a week in Assisi, Italy in preparation for this spiritual quest to open to what it is to be a true neighbor.

We would be grateful for your prayers in this process.

So good to have you come along with us on this insightful journey.

Steve & Elizabeth